Have the room to myself for a few days.
Gave up on my the terrible butt-numbing chair. Am now relaxing on my bed using the end of my bedframe as a precarious perch for Greenie.
Am next to my window. The mountains and blue sky greet me as always. The wind is really strong outside these few days. Whistling its song through my windows. A cheerful Korean song playing on iTunes. Pastor Prince’s Rhema Conference sermon, just before.
It is surreal. Many of the other folks on exchange are returning home soon. It feels like just yesterday that the trepidation was so real, the prospect of being away from home without the familiar comforts. Yet in no time at all this place has become a familiar comfort. The cosiness of my messy little room. The routine of waking up late, designing, looking at design related things, walking by the lake in its full beauty, hearing Italian wherever I go.
I still have a couple of months, which isn’t at all long, just a matter of weeks.
‘Long’ is a relative word, anyhow. Days becomes weeks, weeks become months, months ebb into years, and we watch our lives slouch on by in slow motion.
I had so much to expect of myself when I came up. I saw this period as a season of ‘leveling-up’. I no longer had the excuse that I was too busy juggling all the crazy stuff school threw at me to pursue my craft.
But I’m a good excuse-maker. Fear and laziness and the dull knowledge of incompetence always stops me.
I like my comfort zone. Sitting in it at the moment. If it weren’t for the fact that I have a pretty social roommate, I’d probably never have bothered talking to anyone else living in this building. I’m comfortable in my own introvert world. Yet anxious that I am not more extrovert, a seeming characteristic of those in the profession I think I want to pursue.
I see the friends getting the opportunities I want.
Chiang says to take this period as my sabbatical. Even after 4 months in a country with one of the most chill attitudes towards living, I’m still edgy. Complexes, dear woman.
He says something big will come for me before this season is over, he feels it. Rotterdam in less than 2 weeks. I’m even afraid of that, silly girl. That I would go to the conference and just be my unexciting self.
God, only You can make my dreams a reality.
