Waiting for photos to transfer. Won’t be writing long sentences.
Eyes are only kinda half open.
Right hand actually looking redder than left. Maybe its cuz it holds the Nikon.
Aching in many places plus fingers cramped in shape of d90.
The wonders of camp. The wonders of serving in a camp like this.
Falling asleep and slipping into incoherence while I sit here waiting for it to transfer.
—
Fell asleep.
PS,
Don’t mistake me. I wouldn’t have given up anything to miss this experience.
Find your course of action somewhat disappointing but like I said I’ll hold my tongue – for now.
—
In other news back from Day 1 of EJ camp.
Things done today – chase down all 26 groups for photos on my own. Kinda crazy considering the last time we had to work with the matrix we had 3 photographers.
Get really pink cheeks and a tender nose, red hands and slipper tan.
Listen to a really good sermon.
Very glad I brought all the lenses. (18-105mm f/3.5-4.6 for outdoor day, 17-50mm f/2.8 for indoor and praise, 80-200mm f/2.8 for worship and preaching) Only the 35mm f/1.8 was a bit un-useful since you’re technically there to be discreet and you don’t want to be shoving a lens into people’s faces….
Tired but need to bathe now and process group shots and all that jazz.
More tomorrow.
A few hours before going to serve for 4 days.
The cam bag is packed but am feeling unprepared. The batteries still uncharged.
First time serving alone as a photographer.
I’m normally the second option since I primarily belong to the design wing of the PDF (Photographer Designer Force, funny names we come up for ourselves).
But well. I know God has a portion for me to receive at this camp. This time I come as an observer, a 3rd-party. Behind the lens.
As compared to the last time where I served as a camp group adult assistant. I see several of the people who served alongside with me as adult assistants then now fully integrated into serving in DARE.
But I guess for the moment my portion still lies elsewhere and I will go wherever God says go and be wherever God says be.
I have so many questions about things as usual and no one really understands or just generally find my thought processes exasperating.
I am not young enough to know everything anymore.
I can only rely on God’s goodness and grace, and let go of all the questions, doubts and insecurities that are churning thunderstorms in my head at the moment.
And boy are they creating hurricanes.
Feeling morosely mellow and misunderstood.
To the point where I just don’t even want to bother communicating or trying to phrase it in words because it just feels so futile to explain the unexplainable to people who don’t care.
Clearly not feeling very loved at the moment.
The youngest in the family will always be treated like the youngest in the family. Yes I am the resident spoiled brat. I get what I want not because I demand it, but because the people who love me, love me so much that they enjoy expressing it to me on a regular basis.
You may say what you want, but yes I guess I shall have to be unashamed about the fact that I am very blessed and very loved.
I am not easy to understand. I am not very good at making friends, and even worse at keeping them.
I have a good heart, I don’t like to hurt people. But intentions and effects do oft differ.
I can express myself lucidly in well-phrased paragraphs and to a lesser extent, my designing and photography.
The only two (or four) expressions often thought to be on my face are ‘fierce/anger/irritation’ or ‘tired/sad’.
I try to smile more but sometimes when I’m deep in thought (which is quite a fair bit) I forget to. So I’m sorry, I’m not really angry you know. Just lost in my head, somewhere.
I do not believe I can call myself a designer. Merely a user of several adobe programs.
I am certainly not an artist. Just a half-decent imitator of art.
Likewise I am not a photographer. Just a D90 owner with several useful lenses, a speedlight and a fascination with the craft.
I am young. Though the weight and breadth of my thoughts have been known to reflect on my face.
I have put on weight. My complexion has grown somewhat worse this semester.
My hair is taking over my head with an independent sort of ferociousness.
I am going to be 21. I am at the prime of my youth.
What have I done with my life? What am I going to do with the best years of my youth?
Convention is tempting as it always is. No one ever chides you for taking the path well trodden.
Risk is for those who aren’t afraid of opinions – but willing to listen to good advice. The question is how to differentiate the two, and how to identify the ones who are there to support you and the ones who just want to pull you down to where they are because they themselves are too afraid to go any higher.
Say what you choose.
What is the difference between strength and stubbornness?
Resilience and foolishness?
Confidence and pride?
Daring and stupidity?
We are all a little bit of everything. If I backed down or out every time someone had an opinion of me I don’t think I would be going anywhere at all now.
I am difficult to read. Easy to misunderstand. A failure at defending myself. Not interested to, even. Because well I am mostly my good and truly honest self and I guess not everyone likes it. I respect your opinion, but I’m not interested in bending my back to suit your expectations of how a normal human being should interact with each other. I don’t PR.
I have my flaws. God is working on them.
I do smile. But maybe its reserved for the people who actually like looking at it anyway.
I do laugh, in the company of friends.
My disinterest should not be so often interpreted as disdain.
My lack of concern is not equivalent to hate.
I live in my head.
I live in my heart.
I am not a writer.
Just a keeper of words.
Should I warn you that this is going to be a geek post?
So I finally went and got that 35mm, f1.8 little baby that I’ve been wanting for several months.
Yes now portraits look much better, sharper, nicer, clearer, lovelier. Sweet.
But thanks to the wonderful people at John3:16 I have also tasted better fruit – the Sigma 30mm f1.4.
Looking through my test shots (so now I have like loads of pictures of my obliging boyfriend) and the Sigma’s bokeh is really yummier than the 35mm. The 35mm f1.8 has its limits, but overall a good, cheap prime lens to own and very versatile especially when one owns a DX body.
The biggest struggle was deciding between the 35mm f1.8 DX and the 35mm f2 which is also an FX lens. Honestly the difference between picture quality from the two is really slight and I have no idea when I’m ever going to upgrade to a FF body so the 35mm f1.8 being $200 cheaper than the f2 was a more economical choice.
The Sigma would have been HOMGWONDERFUL but it retails at $750 here. Going to see if can get folks to help me get it next year in HK where it can be acquired for around SGD$550 or less with international warranty. 
But overall satisfactory performance with the 35mm f1.8! It’ll allow me to capture more of what I like capturing – people.
In the meantime…
Here are some other things I want/need/would like to have before I fly next Feb (yes this is as good as my wishlist):
- A bigger camera bag. Outgrown the 5 million Crumpler. (looking at some backpacks now for traveling around Europe)
- A decent tripod. The joke of an Olympus tripod Mom somehow acquired is inadequate beyond description.
- Hypermac external battery (haha expensive much), or new MBP battery
- iPod Touch
- Extra SDHC memory cards, 8GB and up.
- Haven’t got a lens filter for the new toy. Shall grab that and diffuser cap for my SB-600 soon.
- Magic Mouse (nice to have, optional since I am still quite fond of my ah lian 7 color changing white Targus mouse)
I’m sure there are other non-geek stuff I need just that I haven’t thought of them yet…
And still thinking of how the birthday will be celebrated. Me being 21 and Sis hitting 30 and all. Big year, this 2010.
Jason Mraz – Sunshine Song
From the Live on Earth Album
Welllll…
Sometimes the sun shines on other people’s houses and not mine
Some days the clouds paint the sky all gray
And it takes away my summer time
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you while I struggle to get mine
If there’s a light in everybody send out your ray of sunshine
I wanna walk the same roads as everybody else
Through the trees and past the gates
I’m getting high on heavenly breezes
Making new friends along the way
And I won’t ask much of nobody
I’m just here to sing along
And make my mistakes look gracious
And learn some lessons from my wrongs
But sometimes the sun shines on other people’s houses and not mine
Some days the clouds paint the sky all gray
And it takes away my summer time
And somehow the sun keeps shining upon you while I struggle to get by
A little light never hurt nobody send out your ray of sunshine
Oh if this little light of mine combined with yours today
How many watts could we illuminate
How many villages could we save
Well my umbrella’s tired of the weather wearing me down
Well look at me now
You sure look as good as your outlook
Would you mind if I took some time
To soak up your light, your beautiful light
You’ve got a paradise inside
I get hungry for love and thirsty for life
And much too full of the pain
When I look to the sky to help me
Sometimes it looks like rain
As the sun shines on other people’s houses and not mine
And the sky paints its clouds in a way
That it takes away the summer time
Somehow the sun keeps shining upon you while I’m kinda standing by
If there’s a light in everybody send out your ray of sunshine
You’re undeniably warm, cerulean
You’re perfect in design
Won’t you hang around
So the sun can shine on me
And the clouds can roll away
And the sky can become our possibility
If there’s a light in everybody, send out your ray of sunshine
All the results for my left and right brain contradict each other. No wonder I’m so confused.
Thank you for taking the Creativity Test. The results show your brain dominance as being:
| Left Brain | Right Brain |
| 41% | 59% |
You are more right-brained than left-brained.
The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. In addition to being known as right-brained, you are also known as a creative thinker who uses feeling and intuition to gather information. You retain this information through the use of images and patterns. You are able to visualize the “whole” picture first, and then work backwards to put the pieces together to create the “whole” picture. Your thought process can appear quite illogical and meandering. The problem-solving techniques that you use involve free association, which is often very innovative and creative. The routes taken to arrive at your conclusions are completely opposite to what a left-brained person would be accustomed. You probably find it easy to express yourself using art, dance, or music. Some occupations usually held by a right-brained person are forest ranger, athlete, beautician, actor/actress, craftsman, and artist.
Your complete evaluation follows below:
Last week with my single room. I’ve become very fond of it.
Going to miss all the alone time I get to have when having a single room – won’t be having one in Switzerland because the double room cost for one month is enough to pay my entire sem’s hall fees here in Singapore.
Alone time with Jesus, alone time just listening to sermons. Alone time just KO-ing on my bed after every half hour of study. Alone time hugging my favourite Stitch to sleep. Alone time falling asleep studying halfway and waking up at 3am in the morning realizing I haven’t bathed (okay TMI… I know.)
I do enjoy having this much ‘me’ time. I’m not lonely. Being alone isn’t equivalent to being lonely.
More people need to realize that. 
“To those of you who have pushed me, thank you – without you I wouldn’t have fallen. To those of you who laughed at me, thank you – without you I wouldn’t have cried. To those of you who just couldn’t love me, thank you – without you I wouldn’t have known real love. To those of you who hurt my feelings, thank you – without you I wouldn’t have felt them. To those of you who left me lonely, thank you – without you I wouldn’t have discovered myself, but it is to those of you who thought I couldn’t do it – it is to you I thank the most because, without you I wouldn’t have tried.”
